It hurts a lot, inside.
Friday, September 24, 2010 @ 9/24/2010 10:04:00 PM
I like you. Really, I do. But I am afraid to go forward.
Why do people expect a lot from me? They put their expectations way high up but they never provided me with a ladder to reach it. You say I can do better. You say my standards are way higher. But since when? Since when have I set standards in this topic? And why are you judging me based on just this? I thought you would support me. But you criticised him. You say he is not the one for me. You say not to waste my time on him. You say he is not worth it. But you tell me. When was the last time a hot guy came up to ask for my number? When was the last time boys wanted to hang out with me? When was the last time I was really close with one guy? The answer is simple. Never. It is easy for you pretty faces. Just one snap and 10 guys come rushing to you. Well, guess what? I am not one of you. I am not a pretty face. And last time I checked, no guy wanted to be close with me.
I was really hurt when you said mean things about him. He was the first person to ever be close with me and you could not even shut you gap about the way he is. That the problem with the world today. You think love is about looks. About popularity. About standards. Well, that is such a shame because that is not the true meaning of love. I did not ask for your opinion about him. What is bothering you so much that we are close? What is the problem that I cannot be close with him? Why do you keep saying that he is not good enough for me? Well, I think he is. And that's the thing. It is not you who is close with him. It's me. So, why are you so bothered? For once in my life, I could dream about happy endings. Until you came and crush it. You couldn't be happy for me. You cannot even do that for just once? Or at least, mind your own business?
I was always there for you. I was always the one to hear your problems. I was always the one to hear you talk about some cute guy who stared at you at the corridor. Or about the guy who had a crush on you. But why are you treating me like this? How do you think I feel? You think it's fun being alone while you are out there with the guy of your dreams? I am still a girl and I need somebody to love me. I can settle with nice, why can't you. Why must you expect more than just nice? And the thing is, I have never talked about him to you but you still criticize him? How would you feel if I criticize the one you love? Oh wait, you would not feel a thing because you have never felt the true meaning of love. Oh, and I am so jealous of you. Not.
Yes, he is imperfect. But so is everybody else in this world. I hate his sling bag, I just wish he would use a haversack. His hair is so primary school and I would always want him to put down his fringe. He wears that nerd specs, which makes him looks nerdy. And he doesn't have the most beautiful face around. He has this stupid habit of touching his hair and then adjusting his specs eventhough it does not need to be adjusted. He is also not the most smartest guy around. His face has pimples and his voice is still in primary school. Not the fitest guy around too. Sometimes, I think he is too fat. And not enough muscles. He has the most stupidest mindset about life and always tempted to waste his. He can sometimes be too emo too. He can be too close for comfort and it can be quite freaky. He has too many attachments in school and and I don't like poopularity. He demands a lot of attention but when he doesn't need it, he really doesn't need it. He jumps to conclusions too easily and he allows his feelings to get the better of him. He needs a hobby as he doesn't seem to have life since he is always bored. He has this stupid girl who wont let him go. And oh, how I hate her so much. He isn't the studious type either.
But whatever. I do not care about you people. I like him the way he is. He is taller than me and that is so rare for a guy his age. He has such white skin which does not have any effect in the sun. He plays the guitar and I am such a sucker for guitar players. He has the cutest laugh ever. And his eyes are so soft. I can just stare at them the whole day without getting bored. He makes me feel so special and that I can be the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. Eventhough I know I am not. He wants to spends most of his time with me. And when he doesn't see me, he is always texting me. He cares for me more than anybody in this world ever does. He is always so hilarious and makes me laugh. He is always so open towards me and he tells me things he never tells anyone, even his closest friends. He treats me like we had known each other for so long and we are so close. He is the most sweetest and caring guy I have ever known and I always get that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach whenever he is around. He is so not a mat rep as he is the goody two shoes kinda guy. He is really pious too, something which is really rare is guys nowadays. He doesn't mind wasting and sacrificing his time for me. He have this power of ignoring what people say and not minding other people's business.
I just wish you would understand me. I just wish you could be happy for me. Just once.
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