Damn, woman. Give it a rest.
Saturday, June 12, 2010 @ 6/12/2010 11:57:00 PM
Today's post is quite vulgar and long.
You've been warned.
I can't decide which one to hate more. The laptop or the computer. The laptop is alright until the day it 'MAGICALLY' requires a password. And fuckingly, I am the last one who used it. So everybody is blaming me. Omg, I swear I didn't know. When I used it in the morning, it didn't ask for a passowrd. Then I switched it off at night. My brother wanted to use it after that and when he swicthed it on, the fucking laptop asked for a password. Well maybe in your shoes, you would be think, It's fucking obvious Sofia made it so it would ask for a password to use it for her own fucking self. Then the computer. If the computer is a real life person, it would be dead by now. Omg, this computer is nothing but trouble. The fucking CPU is like so troublesome. The place where you connect it to any USB cable is like spoiled? If that's the correct word. I can't use the webcam, printer, thumbdrive and mouse. And I have to complete the fucking scrapbook which requires me to print. Unless you want to write the 20+ reflections by hand for me. I need pictures from Facebook too. And that still requires printing. The internet connection was like so fucked up and I had to spend the last 1hour solving the matter. Omg, it was like so stupid. I could signed in to MSN but I couldn't go to the internet. I was like MSN uses a fucking diferrent connection or what? Butyeah, the problem was solved by taking out some wires and putting them back and restarting the computer for like how many times. And the mouse? It's the olden type, the one not using the USB cable. Well, it's beter than nothing. But that still doesn't solve my printing problem. I need to finish my homework!
That brings me to my other point. My mother doesn't allow me to go out until I finish all my homework. Which is a lot, mind you. Omg, I just came back from a 10 day Shanghai Trip and she's expecting me to finish my homework? I wanted to go out with Istiana on last Thursday, and I came back to Singapore on Sunday. Four fucking days to do all my homework? Then Hwee Teng called me to help them with the YOG booth thing, which was on Monday. And my mother still doesn't allow me to go. Omg, it's like fucking school stuff seh. I have already not go to their three outings and I can't even help with YOG. God, I feel so fucking useless in the cca exco. It's like, I am there for nothing cause I can't even help them with anything. Somebody should replace me, somebody better. I am sorry, guys.
Talking about sorry, I have been feeling sorry about myself a lot lately. I am like wasting a life. Let me tell you what I hate about myself. My hair is like so damaged no matter what shampoo I use. My mother doesn't allow rebonding, she says it will damage the hair more. But I believe my hair cannot be anymore damaged. My ears sticks out, enough said. My eyes are like goldfish eyes. I need spectacles, my mother doesn't allow contacts. My eyelashes are short and hardly noticeable. My nose is always oily and sweaty, for no reason. My lips are brown, not red like somebody's. My teeth is crooked, braces are expensive. My shoulders are slouched. My arms have different shades of brown due to sunburn. In fact, my whole body is like so dark. Veins are so fucking visilble, which is ugly for a girl. I have, what people call, man hands: Wide with veins potruding and fat fingers. My nails are small, and a way to make them nice is to grow them, which my mother doesn't allows. My stomach is fat. I have an ugly birthmark under my stomach. My hips are fucking wide, which makes me look fat. I have fat thighs. My legs are full of scabs caused by scratching and injuries when I was little. My calves are fat. My feet is fucking wide and long, which makes it hard to find a shoe in Sinagpore. I am size 12, while most of you are like in the range of 6-8. Veins protrude from my feet. My toes are like too long and big. I have like the ugliest toe nails. Today, a fucking somebody said I look like a man. God, that totally made my day. NOT.
I am a middle child, which means I don't get any attention at all. The oldest gets all the responsibilities, and if he fails, he gets scolded, which is normal. The youngest is always pampered and loved the most, which is normal. What about the middle? Nobody gives a fucking care. What's worst, when she passes her examinations, which causes her parents to think that she can survive on her own. Then they give all their attention and motivation to the others who can't cope with their studies. When she gets a prize for an international art comeptition, nobody fucking cared. When he got a 'Best Effort' in a class competition, everybody went out to celebrate. Art had always been fun to me. And apparently they do not believe art IS an 'O' level subject. When PSLE, he got a PS2, she got a 2nd hand bicycle, which in the future, got stolen. Eventhough her results were better. God, I loved that bicycle. And, they didn't even buy her a new one. But they keep buying him new games for him to play. He got to wear contact lenses and have the laptop all to himself. Apparently, and I think this is real stupid, he has already 'chopped' this house as his in the future, when my parents move out to a smaller house. Like OMG? Wait till I find a better house and the perfect husband.
Talking about husbands. Somebody once said, 'Your love life is really quiet, isn't it?'. I know that somebody had no bad intentions, but it was like saying I purposely make it quiet. Omg, I swear, last time I checked I still have heart. And although it has been totally beaten up and in a very critical condition, it still keeps on pumping blood. It requires love and care, but it knows that it is not the most perfect heart in the whole fucking world. I am a teenager, and teenagers have hese types of feelings for the opposite gender. But unlike other people, I realise that I am not the most perfect girl. And some fucking people even say I look like a man. I bet, even if I were a man, I'll be an ugly man. I want to like knock some sense into the fucking minds on some fucking people. If you say you are ugly, then what am I? Think and count how many ex-boyfriends and those who have asked you for stead, plus the current one. I know mine, 0. And this brings me to another thing, what in the fucking world, is 'teman tapi mesra'. If not for that Indonesian singer who made up that fucking thing, you people wouldn't have know it. I don't fucking believe in it. It is just either you love the person or not. There is no in between. If you really think it is in between, then it is not called love. It is called a fucking crush. And fucking crushes come and go in your fucking life.
Another thing, if ur a ttm with that person, that means, you just want to be friends but really close. Then both of you are free to date anybody else. Then if another person gets close with your ttm, you get jealous and keep telling that person that your ttm is not interested. LIke hello? Your ttm has a fucking mouth. Why must you be the one telling that person? Why are you interfering in their relationship in the first place? This ttm status is just another way of being clse with somebody else eventhough you already got a partner. This only shows you cannot be tied down to one person, who apparently loves you very much, but only you want to getflirty with other people because you are bored with your partner. Then what is the point of having a boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place?
Anyways now, I am like having so much trouble with the homework. I have learnt my lesson, always be in class the last week before the holidays starts. Because seriously, you cannot trust your so called fucking 'friends' to collect for you all the worksheets and take down all the homework. But thanks ah Hong Chye, he has helped me a lot. Which is quiet unexpected cause we're not that close. He's a nice guy. Which is why I have learnt another lesson, choose subjects that you love. Not the subjects to impress your parents. I'll keep this in mind when I have moved on with my life.
Okay, I think I'll end it here cause if I go on, there's no ending to it. And if any of you thinks that I was talking about you, then you're wrong. Because I never said any names except for Istiana, Hwee Teng and Hong Chye. And I didn't insult them, I wrote it cause they have done so much for me and I owe them a lot. So if you think you want to insult me back because you fall into any of those catergories, you have no right because I was refering to the general population, not just you. Plus, this is my fucking blog, I have the right to say what I want. And, I am already doing you a favour for not being specific and saying your name. I am sorry if it's too long. It's just that today's been very...fucked up. Thanks for reading and good night.
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